Week 3

The nice thing about working for PSD, is that when they decide to put together a missionary database, they don't skimp on the photography. Did you know  that the church has missionary photographers all over the world? They contribute all the photos that you see on church websites and in the Ensign.

I eat my lunch outside, so sometimes I take a photo or two. I love people watching too, trying to figure out where everybody is from. You hear a lot of different languages that you wouldn't expect anywhere near Utah.

I also snagged a photo of my temporary desk. I'm using my supervisor's until she gets back from vacation and it's really nice. No cubicle heaven for me. Seriously, it's like minecraft upstairs.











Item 1: The financial director has a magic budget wand.Yes. The gentleman in charge of finances for Publishing Services has a little plastic silver fairy wand that he takes to budget meetings. He does his best to work his magic with people's budgets there and make the money appear. This, in my opinion, makes it a very magical wand indeed.

Item 2: I am leading a project to create a webpage that advertises the skills of the publishing services writers. For the present this means that I am interviewing all the other writers and writing short biographies about them. This can be fun depending on who I am interviewing. Some people answer questions like I am pulling teeth. Seriously people, just tell me your hobbies. I know you're a real person and not a resume.

Item 3: The sisters on temple square are pretty smart. This PokemonGo thing is pretty big. So they they've been hanging around the spots where the Pokemon appear  (which is more common in cultural or city centers I guess) so that they can teach the people who come Pokemon hunting. I thought that this was brilliant.

Item 4: When you get a chance, read this fantastic article If found today. http://faithcounts.com/fake-cheeseburger-saved-my-life/

Item 5: I have made a big discovery, and I feel like I need to write about it not because it's a particularly wonderful subject, but because to my knowledge the rest of Mormondom has failed to do so. Missions are really, really hard. Growing up you hear that missionaries need to learn to eat strange foods, live away from home, take care of themselves, prepare to learn new languages and cultures, to work hard. After four years of college I figured this would be the easy part. I like trying new foods and I've been learning to like the gross ones. I've lived away from home and done my own cooking and cleaning. I've navigated foreign cities where I don't understand the language. I've learned a foreign language. I've lived with roommates that I struggle to get along with. I've worked hard in school and pushed through some very difficult times with my depression. I have a strong testimony. So it seems like I should be fine, right?

Wrong. Never, in one talk, in one letter, have I heard a missionary say how hard it is to give up your old life. I don't know how to meet my needs on a mission, and contrary to unspoken belief, they don't just go away. And I'm kind of (really) mad about that. Nobody prepared me for this. I love my mission, but I miss having a weekend. I miss reading. I miss movies with my family and discussing music. It's hard giving up school right when I'm about to graduate. And since my mission is unique, on Fridays everyone around me celebrates that is is the end of the work week and what fun things they are going to do. So it's hard. I wasn't prepared. Last week, no more than an hour after I wrote on my blog that I thought I was adjusting, I had a panic attack. Right smack dab in front of the bookshelf. I was trying to find a book that was mission appropriate and all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breathe. I collapsed to all fours and began to hyperventilate. I was terrified.

So I'm angry, because nobody prepared me for this, and I don't know how to deal. I know better than to eat away all my sorrows, but what else is available to me? I'm upset that every other missionary on the face of the planet has probably experienced this, and somehow they forget to mention it. I know missions are supposed to be life changing spiritual highs. But I also prayed and knew that God would give me valuable learning experiences even if I didn't go on a mission. Going on a mission doesn't make you a better person than those who don't. And yet we put it on a pedestal, say it was so spiritual and I learned so much, and totally leave out the days that we are exhausted and depressed and don't feel spiritual at all. I feel like this is a serious issue with Mormon culture. I think people are afraid that if they talk about how hard their missions are, nobody else will go. But we don't go because we think they will be easy. We go because we believe it is right. So I think our missionaries deserve to understand what they will struggle with. Because I'm struggling, and no matter how much I love my mission and my God, it doesn't make the hard things go away.

So now you know. It's hard, but don't worry, I do love my mission. I love working in PSD. I work with the nicest people, and I love that I get to write. Most of all, I love the Lord, and if even if life is hard, I know he has a purpose. He loves all his children. He will never leave us to make this journey alone.