Inside Out

I’ve never seen the movie Inside Out, but everything I’ve heard speaks to me because I’ve discovered that there are some very distinct characters that narrate my thoughts. Here are a few:

Anxiety: There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that Arnold (from the Magic School Bus) is the voice of my anxiety. Every time something goes wrong (getting hurt, forgetting an assignment, bad traffic) I find myself thinking, “I knew I should have stayed home today!” 

Snark: This is voiced by Hades (the Disney one, not the creepy one). I try to keep a tight rein on what actually comes out of my mouth, but that doesn’t stop him from getting his say inside my head. Also, the more tired I am, the more airtime he gets. This is not a good thing.

Sass: Megara (also from Hercules). I don’t channel any of her flirtation, but I definitely have all the sass and a dry humor. Something about people with big egos really brings it out.

Introversion: This is voiced by Hades’ little minion, Panic. Every time somebody new approaches me and I wonder if I’m supposed to acknowledge them I get him pulling his ears and, well, panicking.

Realism: This is Merryweather from Sleeping Beauty. We are a bit too much alike, so she probably gets the most words out through my mouth. My favorite line is when she suggests that she would like to turn Maleficent “into a fat old hop-toad.” Flora tells her that they are good fairies, and are supposed to bring joy and happiness. To which Merryweather replies flatly, “Well that would make me happy.” Yep. That’s me. Also, we’re both obsessed with the color blue and are the only ones in our households with housekeeping/child-tending skills.

I have other character traits of course, but when I’m thinking their voices sound like me—not movie characters. Maybe that means that those traits are the real me. Who knows?

 

 

*Slice of Life originally published Oct 21, 2017

Impulse

Yesterday I was driving down Provo Canyon when I made eye contact with a guy I was passing. He looked familiar, but Heber's a small town--everyone looks familiar. I felt little uncomfortable, but no big deal. 20 minutes later we met at a red light. And heaven help me, I don't know what possessed me, but we made eye contact again and I WAVED! As soon as I did it my inner introvert voice (imagine this like the movie Inside Out, only it's Introvert shaking Impulse), starts shouting, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! YOU WAVED AT HIM???" We met at two more red lights. I was dying inside.

Thankfully he turned left just before I entered my own parking lot. What if he'd lived in the same complex? I would have had to talk to him! Impulse, take a seat and some duct tape. Let Introvert and Common Sense be in charge of driving.




*Slice of Life originally published October 9th, 2017

Crazy Student Teacher

I think I scared my little freshman roommate the other day. She asked how life was going and I started telling her about how crazy it it to be a teacher and a student at the same time: I am taught how to teach. I am assigned a lesson to teach. I learn the material the lesson is on. Create and prep for a lesson plan. Teach said lesson. Go to my own classes. Write an analysis of my teaching. Do the homework for my own classes. 

My roommate looks at me with a slightly terrified expression and I realize I am laughing hysterically.

"Do you need anything? Can I help you?" she asks, eyes wide.

"No." I moan as I try to contain myself, "I just need to go to bed..."

Sorry, Jessica. I'll try to keep the crazy tucked in at night.




*Slice of Life originally published October 3rd, 2017

"Thoughts Walking Home in the Dark"

Thoughts walking home in the dark:

Strange humans.
Cosmic lives crammed within boxes
within boxes.
One
upon
another.

Families and loners.
Full of love.
Full of tears.
Dreams--and fears.

Packed into little boxes.
Dolls in clamshell packaging.

So much inside them. And I forget.
Because they fit into a box.




*Slice of Life originally published Sept 26th, 2017

"I Dreamed A Dream in the Glenhood"

For my teaching writing class, we have to regularly contribute small pieces of writing (Slices of Life) to a wiki. I thought I might post them here as well. And so I present:

"I Dreamed a Dream in the Glenhood"

There was a time when rent was free
When the beds were soft
And the lights were inviting
There was even a view to see.
When noises were soft
And not quite so fright’ning
There was a time
Then it all went wrong...
I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When appliances worked and plumbing was draining
I dreamed my house would be pristine
I dreamed my house would be for living
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There were no utilities to pay
No floor unswept, no food left wasted
But the homework comes each night
With their workloads soft as thunder
As they tear your home apart
As they turn your dream to shame
I slept a year in the new dorms
The view filled my days with wonder
There were no scary stains to hide.
But then I moved for sophomore year!
And now I have this lifelong plea-
That only plants should grow and green.
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are rooms we cannot clean.
I had a dream my home would be
So different from this cell I'm living in
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the clean
I cleaned.

*Originally published Sept 19th, 2017

Mission Week 51

I'm pretty sure this week would usually be considered a slow week, but since I've been so low on energy, it felt really busy. The office is ridiculously quiet though. The managing director was out to Hong Kong for an area review and three of the other directors have transferred to different departments. It's been very strange seeing all the empty offices.

This week's tasks included:

• Attempting to train my missionary replacement, firehose style.
• Beginning to train my full-time employee replacement (so pretty much they got two people to replace me. Kind of wish they had done that earlier. He'll do a little more than I did though.).
• Creating a contacts cheat sheet.
• Doing all the stuff I usually do while attempting to put it into words more helpful than, "just push lots of buttons until you figure it out," which is pretty much how I do anything.
• Helping plan my farewell, which I jokingly call a funeral because the person is leaving, you learn more about the person as they leave than you ever did in your every day interactions, and the talks start to sound like eulogies.
• Learn about the process of reorganizing an entire department. I like knowing how things work, just not doing it myself. There is going to be a ton of paperwork and I'm so glad to be leaving that mess in somebody else's lap. I don't even feel guilty about it. Mostly.

I also finally, a week before I'm released, came up with a code-name for Alan. He would have been Genie, because his office is so small. See figure 1.2 for explanation:

Figure 1.2

Getting ready to leave my mission is a bittersweet experience. I'm definitely ready to move on to the next experience, and I'm very tired. But I will also miss things. I will miss the nice people and being part of something so great. I will miss working on Temple Square and feeling the spirit there. I'll miss getting to see things grow from Church Headquarters.

Plus, I'll have to give up all my special powers like being able to grant building access and stalking everyone in the in the building (I don't, but it's fun to know I could). Do you ever think, "Wow, it's a good thing I'm one of the good guys, because I could cause a lot of damage right now.? Because I will admit, I think that a lot. But I digress. I love my mission, but I also know it's time to leave. I love wearing my missionary badge, and I will be sad to take it off. Wearing that badge was a dream I've had for a long time, and I'm so glad I've had the opportunity to serve as a missionary, literally wearing the name of Jesus Christ on my heart. But it's okay. There will be other great adventures ahead.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Love,

Sister Ward


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Mission Weeks 49 and 50

My apologies to anyone who went in search of my "weekly" missionary post last week. I have been struggling to get over a new virus and my motivation to write was low. I also didn't have a lot to write about since I've spent most of the last three weeks home sleeping. It is very hard not to act trunky when you're already home and sleeping most of the day away.

My replacement has been called, so I started training him this week. It was a lot harder than I thought. I've made really good notes for him, but I'm not sure how to teach someone to turn finicky processes into a matter of habit. Ah well, he'll just do like I did and ask for help every day. The HR team has decided that it takes at least six months to be relatively competent at the job, so no matter how good you are, there is going to be a steep learning curve.

It's funny that it happened less than a month before I'm released, but an article has been written about my mission: Listen for the Whisperings. The author, Tiffany Tolman, is one of my fellow writers that I see every month, and she did a 'bang up' job.

My week was pretty slow, but I did experience some miracles. One- I've finally begun to feel better. The second miracle happened on the one day I made it to Salt Lake this week (a miracle in itself). Our Financial Director felt prompted to tell me about his son's ongoing illness (which sounds incredibly similar to what I've been experiencing), and how his son just happened to be assigned to an internship with an alternative medical practice that was able to diagnose his illness. After our family's fasting and praying to know what to do to improve my health, this was definitely a ray of hope for me. This was also the day after I finally prayed for myself to get better. I don't know why it didn't occur to me before, that I could pray for things for myself that I don't have any control over, but I never did until this week. My hope has definitely been strengthened by this experience.

Thanks and all my love,

Sister Ward