Halfway Mark- Panic, Peep(s) Shows, and the Prophet's Bathroom

And it came to pass, that in the 40th week of her mission, Sister Ward hit her halfway mark, having served nine months on her mission. And there would have been much rejoicing, but she did not desire to burn her own clothes, nor was she in very good health. She did in those days, however, make it to the temple in the city which is called Salt Lake.

Just once, I would like a nice, smooth, easy week to report to you. This week was not that week. It was, however, full of blessings. I woke up Tuesday morning on the verge of a panic attack. Usually I can work through my anxiety, but by the time I was ready to go I had used up all my bravery and then some. Nothing we did seemed to help. I couldn't sleep or read until my anxiety passed. Even sitting with Mom didn't calm me down. This was not one of the high points of my life. We finally called our neighbors, the ward Grandma and Grandpa (okay, that's not a real calling, but that's how they are), and asked for a blessing. I received a beautiful priesthood blessing and immediately my anxiety was calmed.

Now, the panic attack clearly doesn't sound like a blessing, but it was. I've been struggling with my health for over three months now, and I was getting really discouraged. We couldn't figure out why I wasn't getting better. It wasn't until after my panic attack that I realized what was making me so sick--myself. I've gotten so good at coping with anxiety and serving despite it that I didn't realize what a big problem it had become. Even though I was mentally functioning well, that stress was poisoning my immune system and making me exhausted. While I wish I had realized this sooner, I probably wouldn't have been desperate enough to listen and slow down. The Lord understands me well that way. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to push ourselves up again. I'm still tired, but I'm going to get better. I'm going to reduce the days I go to Salt Lake, invite less stress, and hopefully work with a counselor to manage my anxiety in a way that is less damaging. Things are looking up.

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I only made it to Salt Lake once this last week, but I made the most of it. I happen to serve in one of the more stressful departments around General Conference for two reasons. The first is that it is our job to broadcast, translate, and publish Conference, busy to the point that we reject work from other departments for the weeks surrounding it. The other is that they hold meetings for the General Authorities and take new pictures right next to our main office, where I work. The security can get pretty tight for this, and it makes it hard to get things done. To get into my office Thursday morning, I had to go in a different set of doors, ride the elevator up one floor, walk across the building, and take the back stairs down again, just to get in. Thankfully, my supervisor Actually-knows-everything devised a pass for us to get through after that, but I found myself holding up my hands in the air like a criminal every time a security guard stopped me. I got rather tired of explaining that I couldn't go another way because I actually worked on that floor.

The passes did work well though, except my supervisor forgot to tell me one important thing--the bathrooms were off limits. Because of the volume of men in the meetings, both the men's and women's bathrooms were reserved for General Authorities. But of course, I didn't know that, so I went back there anyway. Which is a problem, because the bathroom is a really mortifying place to run into the Prophet.

Thankfully, everyone was in a meeting, and I didn't discover until later what might have happened. Let's just say I've never been so glad not to run into the prophet. As hilarious as that story might be (and I'm sure he would have been nice about it), I'm glad it remained a "might have been."

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The flowers on Temple Square have been lovely, and I've been wanting to share them with you. I only took a couple because I keep forgetting, but they're lovely all the same.

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For those of you who were alarmed by my title, fear not. Your faithful missionary has not fallen into unrighteous ways. Our county library hosts a "Peeps Show" featuring marshmallow peeps depicting book scenes. Bethany was planning to enter and I thought it sounded kind of fun. Nobody is going to expect great works of art from marshmallows, right? So it's just fun. (Okay, we there are people who could get seriously competitive about something like this, but they're crazy anyway). 

Of course, what book could be more appropriate for a missionary than the Book of Mormon? I made a diorama of Lehi's dream. I have to say, I'm pretty proud of my marshmallow-construction paper-fabric scrap creation.

I present to you: Lehi's Dream

I know, your life wasn't complete without seeing that. You're welcome.

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Last of all, I just have to say that General Conference was amazing. We decided that it gets better every year. I don't think there was a talk we weren't impressed by. I learned a lot, and I can't wait to be able to read them and think about them at my own pace. I know the speakers were inspired by God, and that we will be blessed by listening to their words. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church. I know we will be blessed as we follow the prophet. I am so grateful for my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, and for our Heavenly Father, who loves us so much He was willing to allow His Son to leave Him and suffer every mortal pain and infirmity, so that we could return to live with them again. I know that if you pray earnestly to Him, your Father in Heaven will answer. This is my testimony, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

All my love,

Sister Ward

Week 39

This week has been amazingly calm for the month leading up to General Conference.

These are some of the things I did this week:

• Attended Zone Conference where Elder LeGrand Curtis Jr. and his wife spoke to us.
• Wrote a department message explaining why we can't hire temporary employees for longer than 2 years (this is the "looks like, acts like, smells like Full-Time = paid and benefited like Full-Time issue) and therefore we would really like managers to keep the rules....I may have intentionally added a small guilt trip at the end about how their support helps the Church keep the laws and maintain a good standing with the government. Manipulation at its finest.
• I transferred and terminated a lot of employees.
• Replaced a lot of the forms and documents lost in the OneDrive fiasco.
• Began creating instructions for my job and a "PeopleSoft for Dummies" document so I can train the next person when I leave at the end of the year. This was also inspired by the OneDrive fiasco, since now any remnants of previous instructions and policies are so much static in the Cloud.
• Requested back pay for an employee
• Did my best to explain to a manager what was my job and what was her job (and how to do it) without actually saying, "This isn't my job." I ought to have an e-mail signature that lists things that are "not my job." But that would be a very long list. And they would send it anyway.
• Requested a German Shepherd load of Bishop Clearances...which would be easier if people stopped getting married and changing their names.
• Update meeting agendas
• Deliver mail...
• Fixed lots of spreadsheets. I actually had a great moment where I was able to look at my hiring spreadsheet and catch a manager's mistakes before anyone else even saw it. That was a great feeling. It almost makes me feel like I know what I'm doing. Almost.
• Discover that we have an employee that has a contract with one temp provider, is logging hours for projects with another temp provider, and according to our system hasn't worked for us in three years... We haven't figured out what's going on with that one yet.

It was my week to e-mail the sisters (something I actually really enjoy). I thought I would share my little spiritual thought with you too:

Today I read a quote from Sister Margaret D. Nadauld, who was a previous Young Women General President.  She said:

“Women of God can never be like women of the world. … We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue.”

This really rang true to me. The world seems to be getting madder and madder as people search for other forms of happiness. However, I know that true happiness comes from God. The women of the world may get lost in fame and money and vanity, but they lack true power. Our strength as women of God comes through our faith, goodness, and virtue. He will help us and we will find ourselves happier and more ready to face the world than we can now imagine.

 That's it for this week, folks. Tune in next time for "Week 40-The Halfway Mark"

Love,

Sister Ward

Week 38

First of all, we bid farewell to goldfish Louis and Charlie, who were flushed to rest late Wednesday evening, the 16th of March... On a completely unrelated note, our resident 12-year-old is no longer on speaking terms with the cat.*

For the most part, this week has been good. I've been able to get all my work done and be able to serve some of the other sisters in my mission. I've always struggled with social anxiety, but it has been comforting to learn that when someone else needs me, the Lord will provide me with the skills and promptings to be able to help them. I also discovered after helping a sister through an emotional/spiritual crisis that when I would normally be too emotionally exhausted to make eye contact with someone, I felt fine. I believe this was Grace, because nothing but the enabling power of the Lord could have allowed me to do that and still feel fine.

Thursday morning was the not so great part of this week. I'm now praying to love the unhelpful people on the help line...really hard. All our shared HR files disappeared, and they contain lots of important legal records and business data. I need them for nearly every aspect of my job. The first person I called made it sound like it was all my fault and told me there was nothing that could be done, it was gone forever. I was so upset and angry. Thankfully, my supervisor, Actually-knows-everything, called someone else and told me not to take no for an answer. I re-told my story to four different people that morning and they kept passing my call along to someone else, and each would make me wait. Hopefully I'll finally find someone who can do something about it. I've resigned myself to anything now, but it made for a very upsetting morning. I was praying so hard not to lose my temper and say something cutting to the people on the phone, most of whom really were trying to help. I was also praying not to cry, which is what usually happens when I'm trying not to lose my temper. Miraculously, those prayers were answered, though the files have not yet been recovered. I came home exhausted and discouraged...but nobody got mean things yelled at them through the telephone. Grace is definitely real.

Other things I did this week:

• Write a business proposal for a meeting with the Presiding Bishopric (cool, right?)
• Counsel Sister missionaries
• Find a sunny hiding spot in the gardens to eat my lunch on crazy days
• Assign building access
• Process educational reimbursements...of course they would all come in the week I lose my electronic files...
• Spend a lot of time on the phone wild-goose-chasing (I ought to be able to put that on my resume).
• Updated CDOL
• Called tons of bishops for cast clearances. They've got a lot of names now that they're working on the Mormon Channel Studio series. I'm sure to have tons more when they begin casting members for the Book of Mormon videos this summer. 
• Tried to scrounge up any old records that I have stored on my computer and not the cloud...I'll no longer believe people when they say you can't lose something once its in the cloud.
• Terminate and transfer employees.
• Deliver mail (see figure 1.1)
• Pray for patience. Lots of it.

Figure 1.1

*Update: Bethany has forgiven Merlin. Apparently cats are better than goldfish. I would have to agree.

Love,

Sister Ward

Week 37- Feeling Cranky and Maya Angelou

I had another article published this week on Maya Angelou. It's actually getting a lot of hits, but I'm not very satisfied with it myself. It was an assignment I picked up for an employee that left, and it ended up feeling neither well-written nor inspired. It's not awful, it's just not something I feel a lot of pride in. Which is a pity, since Maya Angelou was such a fantastically gifted writer. Ah well, some styles of writing come more naturally than others, I guess.

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I've been out sick most of the week, which is a bummer. It's good I stayed home and took care of myself though. I thought maybe I could go in and tough it out, but after reading my e-mails I was glad I was home. I keep getting e-mails from whiny managers and being sick makes me WAY too cranky to deal with whiny adults. I feel like adding an addendum to all my e-mails that says "No whining." That's probably not a very professional or loving-missionary kind of thing to say, but it's still how I feel this week.

When a kid is whiny it's annoying, but when an adult is whiny you want to smack them over the head with a "how to be a grown-up" manual. Just because they have a problem doesn't mean a) I know how to fix it, or b) it is my job to fix it. I would write a "How to be a manager" manual that explains exactly where to go for these things, but it would probably turn out really rude.

I'm mostly just cranky because I told someone to call the help line a few days ago (after a week of fussing about a request that they submitted way too late), and they kept pestering me. It turns out they didn't know what the help line was, so they simply chose to ignore that part of my response until today, when I suggested it again and they asked what it was. It was very good we were an internet apart, because my face would have definitely given away my annoyance. Again--not very missionary-like. So I am praying for help loving managers again. Who knew that would be such a big part of my mission?

So what did I accomplish in this odd week?

• Adapting a presentation for the Managing Director's Speech
• Bishop Clearances
• A new spreadsheet
• Scheduling meetings
• Updating employee info
• Hiring a volunteer and getting them an e-mail
• Sending more interpreter names for processing
• Responding to a blue-whale load of e-mails with an almost blue-whale amount of patience

That's pretty much all I have to say about this week. Hopefully next week's post will be more spiritually uplifting...

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I do have a Mormon Message I wanted to share with you this week. I have always loved Queen Esther. In part, yes, because she is one of the few girls who get their own story in the scriptures, but I have grown to love her for so much more than that. Esther was brave. She did difficult things and had faith that the Lord would guide her. She trusted that His way was better than her way.

I worry about everything. I want to be in control and know what the future will hold. I want everything to be perfect and comfortable. I want to do things my way, on my own strength. But life is not comfortable or certain. So I am working on building the kind of courage Esther had, to go forward with faith in the Lord, not knowing what the future holds for me. Even more, I want to be able to follow the Lord joyfully, not resentfully.  I struggle to have the courage to let go of control and give him the reins, but I really do believe that we are happier when we follow the Lord's plan for us.

Week 36

First of all, can you believe I've been on my mission for over 8 months? It's crazy. I don't actually know how I feel about that. These 8 months have gone by very quickly. I'm an accepted part of Church Publishing Services, and yet I still feel like I'm just beginning to learn my job. Can I really have been on my mission for this long?

This week I learned something pretty amazing, but also a little anxiety inducing. I have a friend, another Sister Missionary, who is going into surgery next week. This friend was born without her lower jaw, but surgeons now believe that they can create one for her. If it works, it will be a great improvement in her quality of life. This is super exciting. However, it will take several complicated surgeries, which must be scary, especially without the guarantee that they will work. Since it is Fast Sunday this weekend, I will be fasting for her and the surgeons. I would love it it you could join me in keeping this Sister in your prayers as well. I know those prayers make a difference.

I also had a testimony building experience this week. This Monday I was pretty anxious to get into work, since I was out most of the previous week. However, when I woke up I also felt uneasy about the weather even though the weather and road reports were positive. I prayed and felt like maybe I should stay home, but my anxiety always tells me I should stay home, so I wasn't positive. I got all ready to go, but my anxiety kept building stronger and stronger. It was unusual even for me. I decided to be brave and get in the car, but instead of the decision making me more comfortable it got worse. As I approached Main Street I had a very strong feeling that I needed to turn around and go home. It was so strong I didn't even feel silly turning back around. Less than an hour later (when I would have been in Parley's Canyon) the storm hit hard, leaving about a foot of heavy snow in only a short time. I felt so blessed that the Lord had protected me, and grateful that I was able to hear the Spirit warn me.

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I also wanted to share this quote with you. I found it while studying a talk by President Uchtdorf, and it really rang true to me. Remember, there is always hope. Sometimes it takes winter-like trials to reveal the depths of our strength. Sometimes it feels like we're stuck, with no way out, but we forget that we are children of a God, and with him, nothing is impossible.













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In other news, Ringo has rediscovered the compost pile. No wonder the furry creature stinks. He managed to dig a frozen cabbage core out and sneak it inside. Gross. He obviously felt betrayed when someone took the initiative to throw away his treasure. How could we be so callous? Now when he has his last potty break of the day, he climbs his throne of frozen compost and refuses to respond when we call him back in. It's a good thing he's so cute.

That's it for this week's report. I hope you are all well and happy and that the sun shines on you.

Love,

Sister Ward

Week 35- If I were a Disney Villain

This week was pretty slow to start out with. Church offices were closed for the Monday holidays and then I was out sick for two days. So by the time Thursday rolled around I was determined to make it to Salt Lake.

Well, I have decided to use (read: stretch) my internet privileges to illustrate my day for you, using one of my favorite Disney characters. I used to like the movie Hercules because of Meg. I loved and could relate to her independence, snark, and romantic cynicism.

However, as time goes on, I appreciate Hades more and more. I'm not sure if that's a good thing for a missionary to say, but at least I'm honest, right? He's independent, snarky, and cynical too. He just can't control his temper. I don't have much of a temper, but the voice inside my head can be a bit of a drama queen and sounds amazingly similar sometimes... Also, we both have fantastic hair. So, with the help of Disney, I present: Thursday.

7:50-I roll out the door on time with everything I need, looking fabulous. I've even done my makeup.

8:05- A sign informs me that the freeway is closed, and I turn back. The internet informs me the road will be clear within 20 minutes and I head back out.

8:20- I get stuck in traffic. In the freezing cold. There is no way off the freeway.

I move two miles. In two hours.  At this point I am strongly reminding myself of Arnold from The Magic School Bus as I repeat: "I knew I should have stayed home today! I knew I should have stayed home today!"

11:00- I walk into work after making a very unprofessional mad dash across North Temple in the snow.

I discover that someone has fudged their paperwork, that finance is making my life hard for a reason I don't understand, and the interpreter names are not even close to being done on time.

Sometime in between- Sister Polynesian Princess tells me that she found one of my articles on Facebook and she loved it!

11:50- I discover the new mail delivery missionary has not been delivering the mail.

12:30- I hunt down the new mail guy and arrange to teach him how to do it again at 1:00

1:00- Mail guy is not there yet.

1:15- Mail guy still has not showed up and I just do it myself.

(Okay, not really. But the expression was too perfect).

1:40--I'm leaving late, knowing I will have spent 4 hours driving and only 2.5 at my assignment.

So that was my Thursday. You know, looking back, I realize that Inside Out (which I haven't actually seen) works really well. I definitely have a Hades in my head. And Arnold. Arnold would perfectly narrate my anxious self.

Friday definitely went smoother. For one thing, I worked from home and avoided all the traffic. I don't think I could have handled it twice. However, best of all was that I woke to a new e-mail from my best friend. She's having a little girl! This is the point where I get to say "I told you so." Because I didn't actually know, but Mandy and Derek thought it was going to be a boy, so I decided to root for a girl because if it was, I wanted to be able to say "I knew. I was rooting for you all along."

This is just a random baby, but she's cute and she looks like she's cheering. You're welcome.

Actually. That picture kind of (really) makes me want to cuddle a baby. 

Maybe I'll go find the dog... =)

That's it for this week.

-Sister Ward

P.S. I love you.

Week 34- Signs of Spring and a Special Visitor from Chicago

Despite being inexplicably exhausted, this week has been a good one. My assignments were easy to solve and I had something to look forward to.

This week my more unusual assignments included:

• Teaching a sixth person to do the mail. Sixth! (At least the last guy left me an origami elephant as an apology. He transferred to the Temple Department, but he knows I've had trouble getting reliable people to do the mail.)
• Delivered mail. They finally have an updated directory, so it's a little easier now, although a division has already messed it up by moving around.
• Editing a letter from the Managing Director to managers.
• Submitting a FMLA request.
• Insisting that employees have been transferred and that I have no idea why they still show up on the wrong manager lists.
• Lots of bishop clearances for Mormon Channel videos.
• Ordering 20 copies of a book from Amazon.
• Organizing the Managing Director's itinerary for a business trip.
• Mentally cursing the GSC because they decided that if we don't like the way they put multiple people in the same position, then we will have to hire them all manually. This takes forever, and I didn't have anything to do with it before.
• Requesting Timesheet adjustments.
• Finally sorting out the missionary badge order. We had to try about five different unit numbers before we found the right one. This would be a little easier if our department wasn't so huge.
• Working on a primary lesson on King Benjamin.

The penultimate good news for this week is that flowers are beginning to bloom on temple square! Pansies and crocuses! I love crocuses. We've also had clear skies this week, which make a big difference for me.

The absolute best good news is that my best friend, Mandy, flew in from Chicago to attend a friend's wedding. Her Utah friends should keep getting married, because it works out great for me. I was so excited to see her I ran across temple square shouting her name. We had a grand old time just spending time together. We ate a delicious meal at Lion House and then looked at all the artwork at Deseret Book. It was so good to see her and just relax. Funny girl, she's been keeping a list of all the dumb things that make her cry while she is pregnant so that she can laugh about it later. I cracked up when she read it out to me. We may not be roommates anymore, but we'll always be friends.

These pictures just make me happy. =)

I also listened to a great talk in the car this week. It's called "Dare not to Compare" by John Hilton III. It was a good reminder to me that God does not compare us to others. I highly suggest listening to it if you get the chance. I found the slides with the quotes he used online, which I also suggest reading: http://www.slideshare.net/johnhiltoniii/dare-not-to-compare. My favorite quote was on slide 13, by President Uchtdorf. Give it a read.

On a slightly related note, I am also working on being confident. I want to love myself, and I also believe that when we are confident and love ourselves, we give other people permission to love themselves.

That's about it for this week. Everyone take good care of yourselves.

Love,

Sister Ward