I was asked to speak in my home ward for mother's day this year. I always had a secret desire to be able to speak on mother's or father's day so that I could have my chance to sing my parents' praises. However, I realized that I would rather give the talk that I wished my mom had gotten when she was the one struggling with kids along the pew or just having a rough day. So I am sharing this talk for all women out there, married or not, who feel insufficient for the life at hand:
My mom once told me that she found
mother’s day talks depressing because they made her feel overwhelmed thinking
about everything she should be. It seems like some moms work, drive their kids
to all their activities, help with the PTA, do their visiting teaching, clean
the house, prepare dinner, and have perfectly obedient children. Today I want
to remind you that that super-mom does not really exist, and that that those
things are not what make a woman a mother, nor would they make her happy. Some
women find mother’s day depressing because they are not married or do not have
children. You may be surprised to hear, this is not what makes a mother.
Motherhood is a divine part of being a woman that is magnified when you love
and nurture others.
Sister Sheri Dew
reminds us that Eve was called “the mother of all living” before she ever gave
birth. She teaches that “motherhood is more than bearing children, though it
certainly is that. It is the essence of who we are as women. Motherhood defines
our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits,
talents, and tendencies our Father gave us.” With that in mind, celebrating
mother’s day is like celebrating a birthday. You don’t have to do anything to
earn it—it is just who you are.
As women, you
magnify your calling as a mother when you nurture others and share your love
with them. In his book Winnie the Pooh,
A.A. Milne says “some people care too much. I think it’s called love.” As
mothers, you have an infinite capacity to love. With four kids, my mom was
often overwhelmed and couldn’t give me as much of her time. I complained and
whined about not getting enough time with her that we set up “talking time.”
This was a few minutes every day after she got the other three kids in bed that
she or my dad would come talk to me when nobody else was allowed to interrupt,
habit we have kept up for the last 11 years. She must have been exhausted at
the end of the day. But she did it anyway. Today I have no idea how clean our
kitchen was, but my mother is my best friend. I can feel her love for me and I
see it in the way she treats others. You do this too. You show this love when
you visit a friend who is struggling, when you teach primary, when you support
a sibling, when you just let someone cry on your shoulder. This ability to love
and care for others, even when they aren’t related to you, or you wish they
weren’t, is what others see to celebrate today. They celebrate your love. Your
compassion. You. And it has nothing to do with circumstances. That is something
that is an inherent part of you as daughters of God.
Every woman is a
mother in a different way. Elder M. Russell Ballard taught that “there is no one perfect way to be a good mother.”
Mary is revered throughout the world as the mother of our Savior. Was she any
less of a mother if her house wasn’t perfectly clean, the dinner burned, or she
was too tired to acknowledge her children fighting at the end of the day? I
don’t believe so. Don’t stress so much about being the perfect mother.
According to Elder D. Todd Christofferson, “You don’t have to be perfect . . . .Your
intuition is to do good and be good.” Note that he didn’t say how to be good.
It is different for each of you.
I often think of my life as a rowboat. It is
packed with all the things that I worry about and the things that I have
forgotten to worry about spilling over the sides. On these days, when somebody
needs my help, I feel as if they are the drowning person about to capsize my
little boat. However, I have discovered that when I put Christ in the center of
my boat, everything balances out. The things that don’t matter get lost, and
the things that do find their place. It isn’t until I do this that I have the
strength to help others. So in your desire to do good, to help others, remember
to take care of yourself. Allow Christ to help you by putting him first, and he
won’t allow you to be swamped.
Today, I hope you
remember to enjoy being a mother, and not to stress. You do your best to take
care of yourself and your family, and then you leave the rest up to God. He made you: he knows you have limits. He
also loves you and wants you to be happy. You do not have to do anything to
earn his love, it is already there.
